HALO.. HALO... every one... :) how's life treating everybody? i've missed writing my heart out but sadly situation and time doesnt allow me to do so until today... hmm my last post was in march if i'm not mistaken... it's been a month since... gosh that is long... anyways, it's the 21st of april and only 1/4 more to go until my b'day again.. YAY!!! ok.. what happen in april??? hmm... where to start... how to start... ok here goes nothing...
week 1 (1/4-1/7)
APRIL FOOL DAY... hmm the whole day been texting my 2 really good friend close to BEST friend... and as i was just posting my luck on NOT being TROLLED on 1st of april, these 2 bastards trolled me like no body's business... >.< idiots!! regardless of which, i love them all the same...
moving on, on Monday, shitz happened... some bitch decided to slap one of my really-good-close-to-best-friend and on that one frigging stupid day due to still pissed at being trolled the day b4 and he kept trolling me in class, my tongue just slipped and say OMG I SO WANT TO DO THAT LIKE FOR EVER BUT COULDN'T BRING MY SELF TO... THANKS... honestly that was an honest mistake... from beginning to the end of that sentence, i didnt meant any of it... truthfully, i didn't noticed his facial expression changes at all until after that the other really-good-close-to-best-friend point out to me of what i did... then all the incident got flashed back to me like a video clip on my head... gosh how i regretted every single words I've said... i instantly text really-good-close-to-best-friend number 1 a whole essay of SORRY speech... which i meant every words... when he said IT'S OK DONT WORRY BOUT IT, i cried... for what reason? i dont know.... i really dont... but Farcella being Farcella, i was guilt stricken... deep down i wanted to be punished, so i sent another essay and he replied all but the same text... then i was like ok we'll see what happen 2moro then..
so tomorrow came... we didnt talk... T_T sadness... so i was depressed i'm losing my friend and there is nothing i can do about it but to give him space... so i texted my uncle i say wanna go watch movie? on wednesday where movie ticket are at the cheapest price.. uncle texted back.. 2moro cannot cz i got work 2 do back at home bt today can i'm on my way to ur place's closest mall... i'll reach there in 20mins time... so i took the chance and went... there i went to watch wrath of the titan very nice movie... inside the movie, i was texting really-good-close-to-best-friend number 2 where i pinpoint that i might just gave up on the whole friendship thing and not hold them back due to my lack of intellect... and he in a way told me not to but then again, me being me, of cz i wouldnt listen... bt of cz, i am no where ready to let any one go YET... so after movie, i stayed for a while infront of the exit door still texting really-good-close-to-best-friend number 2 when i bumped into really-good-close-to-best-friend number 1 with his other friend whom he considered as his little brother... so i went wt them... then we bumped into another friend who was from a karaoke session wt his friends... while the were wondering what they would want to eat, i just follow them around since i mentioned tht i've already eaten and wish NOT to eat anymore... then my uncle called and i had to go a separate ways from them to meet my uncle... that late night, i was talking to the other friend when i finally found out that he categorized me as SAME AS HIS HIGH SCHOOL PEERS where those people according to him, and in my point of view are BASTARDS!!! they used him, and only noticed him when he gained popularity in school which is my point of view is the worse kind of friends a person can have. so when i found out, it broke my heart, soul to MILLIONS of pieces...and on that swift knowledge, all hopes of being friends again simply got CANCELLED... i texted really-good-close-to-best-friend number 2 and say I AM DONE, HE HATES ME AND I AM A BAD PERSON... I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD LIFE AND PLEASE TAKE GOOD CARE OF EACH OTHER.. I LOVE U GUYS BUT I CANT BE WT U ANY MORE...
and since that week until now, we are no longer in talking basis.. at least between me and really-good-close-to-best-friend num 1 n 2... while the both of them still talk to each other... since then, i am no longer their friend... i missed them... i really do... i cried for weeks due to this prob... WEEKS... it almost cost me my english assignments...
and after yesterday, i realize my mistake... i let go too fast... i gave up too soon... but who wouldnt when wit one sentence it broke your heart severely... i am a girl, a woman, a lady, a female... my heart no matter how strong i can act, i am still fragile... my instinct is still a woman's instinct... when there's no need of me anymore, why would i be stupid enough to stay around it's not like i am wanted any longer... honestly, ronn, wilson, i know at some point you'll be reading this, i am sorry for giving up so fast, for letting go so early... i know i dont deserve a 2nd chance but sadly that is what i am asking for.. a second chance... what we had with in tht 2-3 months of friendship is special enough for me to want to bring my self as low as possible to ask for both of your forgiveness... please consider this...
i'm sorry... very sorry... i dont know how to fix this but all i can utter out of this lips from my brain to my heart and out to my lips is a short SORRY... i knw it doesnt count at some point but please i am begging u consider it... u know where to find me when you are ready to talk...
i dont have any defence for my self for all the mistake i did to you ronn but one.. i am who i am since the beginning of our friendship i told you to be perfectly honest to me when what i am doing is falling into your disfavour files... i am not perfect... i cannot read people's mind... you should have told me to lay off when u had every chance in the world... and no the next time, i shall try not to be an excessive overly controlling bitch if u start to be super honest wt me... u dont like it say it... it is for the better anyway... and NO if there is such thing as next time around, u will not lose a friend, u will not offend me just because u were being hones... i'm sorry really sorry ronn...
love n miss both of u..
-Farc_93-
p/s: here's a song that is actually my exact speech to u if i were talking infront of the both of u right now...
