Something To Get Used To...

Losing Love Is Never Easy

I don't really know why but I guess I just need to have somewhere I can write and not care about how people may think about me.. after a very long while, I just need to write on the page today. I was watching a Barbie Movie - Mermaid Tale 2. The movie was partially about having your worse nightmare realized and how you can conquer it. Truth be told, it got me thinking of my own greatest fear. Which is of course, me disappointing everyone in my family. The inability to reach the bar they had set for me. Also, NO I haven't have any idea how to conquer my greatest fear. 

Honestly I don't know what am i actually writing about. I guess i just need to get some stuff out of my head. So these are the few stuff I have in my head right this moment:

A Story

It was a very nice day when a very loving couple was on a date. The whole day had been very perfect. Entering slightly 3 years into their relationship, there had been NO day that goes by without them talking to each other. They would either meet, call or the least text each other when they are apart. On that very perfect date, perfect day, the guy put up a challenge.

Guy: Lets not talk to each other for a week and see how it goes.

Girl: What?! What is that suppose to mean? Are you breaking up with me? 

Guy: Nothing. OMG No! Of course not. I love you. I just want to see what does it feel to not talk to each other for a little while.

Girl: No! I won't do it! I can't even get through a day without talking to you let alone for a week?

Guy: Of course you can. Come on babe, lets just give it a try. This will only be once in a life time challenge for the both of us. To put ourselves and the strength of our relationship to the test.

Girl: Fine. 7 days! No more no less. It starts from tomorrow morning. And I'll see you at your house when the challenge date line end. I'll be there precisely on time!

Guy: Awesome! I'll see you then. 

Girl: Hmm...

Guy: Don't worry babe, it'll be ok. We'll be ok.

Girl: If you say so. I Love You babe.

Guy: I Love You too...

That night after the guy drop off his girlfriend, they spent the night talking on the phone as if there's no tomorrow. The girl was very reluctant to hang-up so instead the guy sang her to sleep only then the guy hung-up. On the first and second day, the girl's hand itches to call and to text the guy. At work, she had to store her phone in her drawer just to prevent from wanting to text her boyfriend. She felt like a smoker being deprived from even half of a cigarette. She can't breathe properly, uneasiness and the food she ate seems tasteless. 

On the 3rd and 4th day, she was almost getting used to not getting any text from him. But that doesn't make her miss him any less. Every incoming text and calls made her jumpy. To let off some steam, she post her pain and misery on Facebook in the hopes that her boyfriend would see it and call her up. She'd keep wishing he'd call the challenge off and call her and tell her he miss her. But with each and every text and call received, her disappointment grew. 

On the 5th and 6th day, she still await him to call or at least text. But every incoming text and every call did not make her jumpy anymore. 24 hours prior to the challenge ending, the girl got exited as she'd finally meet her boyfriend and this time there will be nothing more that can take them apart. Being apart only strengthen her love for him also with a more mature resolution in mind. In order to make their relationship work she'd ought to give both of them space in between the intense closeness they had. 2 hours prior to the deal she got herself ready, wearing the white dress she wore on their first date 3 years ago and drove off to his house. 

Reaching his house with 5 minutes to spare, there were a lot of car parked along side his house's drive way. As she approach the house, she got even more anxious when she sees people wearing black attire walking into his house. She stopped in front of his front gate and bolted into his house. 

Seeing an ocean of black attired people with somber face she made her way pass them. There, she saw his mother's face drench with tears, red nose and wailing her heart out but she was diverted by a more scary sight. 

A brown casket that her logical mind kept telling her that it is a coffin she is looking at and there is someone in there and it could be-- NO! She told herself. It cannot be! He promised! He say everything will be ok! She brace herself, took a deep breath, put a brave face and made her way to the casket. At the sight of the occupant in it, she was just lucky that his father was behind her just on time to catch her from falling off balance. He brought her to the nearest chair and hand her a blue velvet note book which she directly recognized. It was his birthday present she gave him just few months ago. As she opened the book, it smells of his aftershave. She inhale as much of the smell as possible also an attempt to stop herself from crying. In the notebook turned journal, was her handmade book mark that she made for him on Valentine's Day. She flipped to the marked page and read the entry.

Day 1

I manage to convince my Baby Girl to not contact me for the whole week. I am doing the right thing. Going to be admitted into the hospital tomorrow.

Day 2

Besides the fact that hospital creep the hell out of me, she also hadn't try to contact me what so ever. I wish she did tho. But I guess she loves me more that she'd abide to my wish. This is good. I am doing the right thing. It is for the greater good. More check up tomorrow. 

Day 3

I miss her so much. There has been so many times I picked up my cell to call her. There has been so many times I wanted to text her and say I miss her and tell her the truth. But this is almost half way. She'll get used to it. Apart from that, this needles poking into my skin is starting to get into my nerve. 

Day 4

Her misery pains me. Her post in FB makes me want to talk to her on chat. But I have to be strong for the both of us to make this work. Consultation tomorrow and some consent document to sign off. 

Day 5

OMG! Signing those documents feels like I'm signing my life away. But if I were to be worthy of her, I must take the chances! I have made up my mind! If everything goes well, I'll see to it that I'd ask her to marry me. Yes! That is exactly what I'll do! Operation tomorrow. Mixed feeling. 

There hasn't any entry on day 6 and 7. On the next page, she found a neatly folded letter in the form of a heart. She opened it carefully and started reading it.

Baby girl,

I am sorry to have to hide this information from you. For this one whole week I had been in the hospital. As I'll be undergoing some operation to finally get a replacement for my heart. But I have a bad feeling. As if after this, I won't be able to see you, talk to you, hold you, kiss you, hug you, and most importantly, be with you. Say that death had came for me a little bit faster then expected, I would like you to know that here hasn't been a day that went by that I wasn't thinking about you. This communication break was for you to get used to me not being there. It's passed 12 a.m. when I started writing this letter to you. I believe by now that if you could stand not talking to me for 6 days and also for the next 36 hours time, you will be able to stand not having me around for another week, then the week after that and so on. Believe me babe, it was a torture not talking to you. But this is what I had to do. I love you. I really really really do. If we couldn't be together in this life time. I do believe that our soul will be able to find each other in the next life. So long love.

I love you,

Your ever more so loving Boyfriend.

As she folded the letter and put it back in the journal, his father  passed her a blue and gold velvet small box. As she opened it, there placed a Blue Sapphire ring. She couldn't help but having her tears fall streaming down like the evening rain. His father had his arms wrap around her as she sobbed her heart out. "He gave me this just before he went in the operation hall. He says to keep it for him until he can give it to you when he got better. But i guess that would be impossible, now that he's gone. Since it is for you, I thought that to you it shall be with. Be strong. He loved you and thought of you till the very end."

-The End-

So yeah.. this is one of the many things in my head. This story hasn't been an original. I read this somewhere in one of the many quotes in pictures pages on Facebook, but I did make this story mine. And since I finished this at 3.10 AM already, all the other thought in my head had to be put on hold. 

Why am I writing this story? Simply, leading the life that I have now, I am try really, really hard to live with out the presence of a person whom I do held dear to my heart. One is I believe a lost cause, someone whom I am convincing myself to believe that after all the bitterness that happened between us, we are no longer reconcilable. I of course want to mend this. I miss this person very much. But I think we are better off each other. And the other one, well this person hasn't left YET. But sometime I feel that this person is as good as gone. After losing so much, this person had turned into someone I can no longer identify. I hope things gets better and that we don't drift apart after we go our separate ways. So here's a quote to think about,

"If you could stand not talking to me for a week, surely you could stand not talking to me for the next whole week and the coming week as well."

Honestly, not talking to the people I hold dear to my heart makes me feel like a cigarette deprived smoker but I guess it's a practice. I'll just have to get used to it. Not constantly talking to them does not meant them losing that special place in my heart. They'll always be there and I'll always miss them and wish only the best for them.

Best wishes,

Farcella. M

Behind the Scene MONASH ANNUAL BALL 2012 ROYALE

Greeting my readers (If there's any... i hope?) anyways as ya'll observed, I constantly mention this MAB thing rite? well MAB stands for MONASH ANNUAL BALL. And in a way or two, i am both fortunate and unfortunate enough to be part of the organizing committee members this year. Don't ask me why is it both! I honestly can't answer that. Instead, i'm gonna tell you my experiences in co-organizing them with 14 other people.

We were divided into 6 different department,

1) MR and MS MONASH (MMM) (My department ^_^ And my Director, Chloe Siew )

2) STAGE AND PERFORMANCES (SnP) (Andrew Chu (AD) and Ivan Lim - Director)

3) SECURITY AND USHERING (SnU) (Azlil Adzif)

4) PUBLICITY (Tan Wei Ru, Serene and Jazel Tay)

5) SPONSORSHIP (Zoe Yap, Helena Erin and Pritha)

6) TICKETING AND ADMISSION (TnA) (Tan Wen Liang, Yen Yi, Kelly and Kaylee)

each with their very own task. (Captain Obvious : DUH!!)

Moving on, over 1 month and 1 week of planning before the event day, planning MAB is NOT easy. That I can tell you people. So if you people plan to join Monash University Sunway Campus's MUSA's Activity Advisory Committee next year July, do think twice. Because it is a whirl-wind of busyness to the point of not having a "me time" for yourself. Ok.. not wanting to scared you people or anything, this is what i basically faced. As I am a somewhat newbies in being an organizational team, since last time when I plan any kind of parties, or events, i do them solo. of course with few helping hands but point blunt, i dictate everything. I was the head. so having some one above me to tell me what to do and uses the intimidation button one too many time, obviously i became less then useful in the sub committee. NOT FUN! being in the MMM department, these are the few things we were asked to do but eventually, I deemed it as USELESS and POINTLESS as it doesn't serve the purpose at all.

a) Prepare 3 nomination, introductory and crowning plan for the MMM (like hello? isnt looking for photographer and make-up artist is more important at this time? also start looking for sponsors who are willing to give goodies for the finalist? and shouldnt we be purchasing Crowns and Tiaras for the winner? eventually how many different variety of crowning, finalist introductory and nomination are there? Miss World, Miss Universe all use the same old way.. why can't this be the same? =.=''') story of my life...

b) Prepare a list of questions and an in-prompt-2 task  for the finalist. (eventually all the PROPER question and PROPER task I prepared and discussed with my director was overruled! seriously what is the point for US to divert our attentions from out readily piling assignment and crack our brains to think about concocting these task and questions when you yourself had already had "some" ideas of your own that you want to be utilize? Do you know what they called the contestant? Douche-Bags and Bitches! why? all because of your task and question that YOU want them to be asked!)

Yes people. I was forced to work under a Dictator who tried so so hard to make her mark on the largest and most look forward event of the year. And yes I did voluntarily involved myself into the committee. BUT who knew that the leader is a f*cking queen control. honestly i don't understand the function of the co-chairperson there when eventually she is the one who makes all the important decision! he sits there be a pretty accessories to her, nod here and there, ask few question here and there, give minor opinion here and there but other then that, he would just sit there, observe and stay silent... @_@ really? =.='''

so what really happen in between? well besides focusing on MMM, during the course of organizing, we were  down to the final 5 days before event day, 2 of our MAB members were sacked due to somewhat lack of commitment to the event. where they do not come for meetings and ticketing duty. in Pritha's defense, every Tuesday and Friday, she will not be available as she do not have cars to drive. every time on that day, he mother will be using the car. and since she stays all the way in KL, she cant possibly travel to SUNWAY to just attend the meeting that is gonna start late (usually 15 to 30 mins late) and obviously end late and go back alone using the public transport too... and as for Ivan.. well i have got nothing.. he had it coming.. it was in the matter of time until Sherly would eventually sack him... 

Moving on, after tirelessly dealing with MMM, we are also required to help out other department... this particular department i am talking about is Ticketing and Admission department. well first and foremost, i honestly had fun selling those tickets, sitting on the MM booth on my duty time, etc2. even with those nearly getting robbed experience you guys almost inflicted on me, folding boxes and lax of sleep due to packaging door gift, i forgive ya'll as i did enjoyed my self despite having head ache through out the process.

Fast forward to event day, after working tirelessly on the door gift, cracking my head thinking about what task are to be given to the MMM finalist since Thursday Night where we were expected to come at 7pm and there we were waiting for the HEAD to come since the things we need to do is with them. and they as usual are fashionably late came 1hr30mins later. how fun.. =.='' imagine if we came at 6? =.='' we would hv got ourselves rooted on the couch by then. so for 10 hours straight, we cut, poke, stack, pack, and twist 500++ door gift packages. we only manage to get a 30 mins nap at 5.30am then we were woken up to clean up and go back to sunway.. coming back to sunway, She asked me if I have any classes on that day as if i dont then she'd want me to be there at 9am again. but i say NO cz i have assignment due afternoon. Thus, averting the possibilities of NO sleep at all... i was done with my assignment amendment some times around 10 then i decided to take a nap which turned into a 5 hours sleep. tho i did came late, i did not regret the rest since i could have been in a terrible mood if i were to not sleep at all. also the reason i came late to the venue is because of that stupid taxi i took that not only got lost but also brought me to the ever more so super JAM jalan tun razak area.. imagine reaching KL at 2pm and reaching mandarin oriental hotel (MOH) 2hours later.. and it bloody cost me RM46... how nice.. i came after they (MMM FINALIST) had finish rehearsing their waltz routine.. there is nothing much to supervice them dressing up but back in the ball room, apparently there was some glitch in communication where Andrew had turned BLUR about the things we had discuss earlier that day about the wants and needs of the Finalist. half of it was NOT there. FUN! thanks to MMM's helper, Brother Lam, the catastrophe had been averted where i have personally made sure that all the needs and wants for the finalist are listed down and explained to him word by word the demands of the MMM Finalist. then Chloe came with the crown and tiara and the flowers and FOOD.. then one more problem arise.. the silver tray was no where to be seen.. so what did we do? we went to ask the waiter personally to provide us with 2..  thank god they have it.. problem averted!

so show time.. Hesmond started first with his MJ+BANGRA dance fusion then ended by Sherry's k-pop dance... and then comes to the most dreaded part to talk about.. the shame of our department.. QnA session. ok let me start this from the begining...

well since Andrew only started to prepare the MC's script the night before (which after the postmortem meeting I found out he only started preparing them AFTER he woke up on Friday afternoon) i took the liberty to prepare the QnA and TASK script for the MC to read out. (God damn it i even took the time to double check my grammar and put a perfect punctuation on it!) but apparently the MC went and change the whole script and "personalize it" with out any of our consent.. woah how fun.. not only he constantly bring up the sexuality issue to the finalist, but also keep commenting on our Miss Monash winner Miss Yin Xian's relationship status... then come the impromptu task... omfg... what hell was that? so here in my blog, i personally say sorry to all MMM Finalist again and hope ya'll can forgive us for the way things turned out...

after task, it's voting time. voting then collecting.. first of all, too much hastle/confusion that votes were not fully collected. for a reason, lucky draw was cut short.. there goes the time to properly count the votes.. after like 5 text and 1 SnP department rep came to ask for the result, only then that the verdict came out. by the time of the crowning, there were only a hand full of people due to the fact that the event started 2-bloody-hours late..

so to the people that complained to much, we want to apologize for the unforgivable tardyness but you have no idea how hard it is to even pull one up.

alright, i think i covered much about it.. so now, good night... the other 2 post i promised gonna come up by the end of next week right after i submit my gender studies assignment and my psychology's tutorial assignment 2.

Love ya'll,
Farcella L.

p/s: i'll put in more pictures when i'm not too sleepy to even hold open an eyelid...

Forgive me?

Omg... it has been one hell of a week NO A MONTH... i am so tired.. so first of all, I'd like to thank Ronn for putting up with me this whole month. I know I haven't been the best person to be around... especially this past few weeks but you putting up with it is just amazing. So, THANK YOU. I honestly needed those external support.. Secondly, to Nikita, babe I am so sorry I FFK-ed few weeks worth of jogging as well but with MAB tight on my throat and millions of assignments to submit on very very close date, 24 hours is seriously NOT enough.

Actually this entry was suppose to be posted 4 weekends ago BUT life as we know it, (well my life anyway) has been very very busy. I have been pulled into so many direction that a 2 hours sleep is more then a blessing these days. 

So what was so occupying until I can't even go on9 and update a short blog post? well first of all is of course MAB. I will elaborate on the event itself on a LATER blog. second thing that kept me occupied was of course ASSIGNMENTS... mountains of 'em with date lines that are too little too close to each other. ish!

And what's with the title you may ask? well firstly, i want to say sorry to ya'll for being away for so so long. thing is when i have my free time, i'm experiencing the writers blockage (or use it to replenish all those lost sleeps). where i have so many thoughts running through my head at once, i ended up giving up to put them into words due to the inability to keep up with the thoughts fast enough to turn them into words. 2ndly, i would like to apologize and thank my 2 very close friend that i mentioned up there for all their patience and support especially keeping up with my unscheduled PMS-es i love u guys.. really.. so that's for now.. 2nd, 3rd, and possibly 4th entry following up.

Love u guys,

Farcella L.